I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
