i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
