Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
