I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
