She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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