Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my shit smells like andre
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
