Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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