they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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