i just wanna soil my oats bro
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He felt like a one man threesome
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
