if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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