Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
