He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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