Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
