He felt like a one man threesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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