he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
