you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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