I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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