You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
These tits shall not be calmed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
