i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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