omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
