So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
wow bdsm is so cute
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
