How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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