i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
