i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
