i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
