I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
