she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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