Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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