I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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