At least make sure they are 18
Why
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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