The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
