This girl is more easily done than said...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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