i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
