I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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