im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
