All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
