Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize