Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
