You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
