for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize