the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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