if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
