so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
