i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
did i just pee glitter
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize