Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
