God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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