I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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