Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
nutella sex= disaster
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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