did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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