watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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