Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize