Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
