what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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