Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
