shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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