Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
