His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
