The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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