dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
