it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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