for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
