Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
