the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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