Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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