just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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