so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
