It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
