wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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