Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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