I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
