so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The adults are the big ones right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
