The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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