The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to make out with him forever
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
